If you have ever felt like your breasts, love pillows, bosoms, tetons, tits, teats, snuggle bombs, etc. are too small, let me give you a consolation prize.
1. Back pain. This is serious shit. I go to a chiropractor regularly, have jaw problems (partially from stress but being top heavy doesn't help), go to yoga & must concern myself with good shoes with optimal support. I have a hard time wearing heels b/c it only helps gravity slouch me even further and I pretty much hate my life. I wouldn't mind giving heels a chance every now & again, but these Babes in Toyland will hold me hostage if I do more than 3".
2. More pain ensues, but in your Bosom Buddies. I cannot sleep without some sort of bra on. I cannot function during the day without some sort of bra on. And by some sort, I mean full-on harnesses that I am pretty sure spelunkers & rock climbrs could hook onto me with and use me as their spotter/anchor. I also cannot run. I have tried since they have grown even more and I am telling you, I will be wearing three, I kid you not, THREE BRAND NEW sports bras and they STILL hurt. Like I said, serious shit.
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| Easier said than done |
4. Going along with being on display, MANY people comment, as if, hey, they're there, we are all thinking it, so I'm going to point them out and make jokes. Because that is exactly what I was hoping to do on a Tuesday while I grab some Earl Grey. Not only that, forget about attracting cute guys. Do you know how many times I have been hit on some of the greasiest guys around? Family friends who have watched me grow up have all but slobbered on my chest. You instantly become a butcher window with giant slabs of steak and the man becomes a hungry J.R. with one droopy eye.
5. They make you look bigger than you really are & bloated when you are not. Yup it's not that I've gained 10lbs, OK maybe it is, but I also have hot air balloons suspended from my body. NOT slimming. Except in my waist area, that's nice. Other than that, grrrrr, BAH!
Now, I'm not saying that my big booty hoes haven't got their fair share of problems. Or even my petite lovelies with rock hard abs, but this is my blog & my chest that I hoist up everyday, so this is what we are reading about today. I didn't ask for them and some women do and go buy them and they love them, but they also generally do not have the same figure I've got which is NOT petite. I'm not bitter (ok well maybe a little, but I don't hate you, skinny skanks!) and I have really gotten comfortable with my body over the last few years but I'm just giving a dose of reality to every woman who has ever made themselves feel bad for not looking like Pammy. I'd be lying, tho, if I haven't dreamt of having a bigger booty and do the Stairmaster to make it happen. But my booty friends have just as long of a list as I do with similar problems.
To be fair, I'm not going to pretend there are not advantages, but if you are a reasonably attractive woman - scratch that - if you are a woman, you have an advantage - big boobs, small boobs, big ass, small ass, no teeth, all teeth. You just have an advantage b/c there is a man out there for every size & shape & dentistry. There is also going to be some piece of clothing that you can rock better than other shapes & vice versa. Embrace what you got, but if you still aren't happy, go ahead and do it, but do it for yourself. Which brings me to my conclusion that the most crucial thing to consider before you ever decide to go under the knife for boobs, ass, lips, cheekbones, etc:
Do you really want to attract someone that wouldn't give you the time of day if you DIDN'T do those things? And is all the trouble worth filling out that v neck & being stuck to wearing bras the rest of your life?
food for thought & happy days,
bunny
P.S. The answer to both questions is no. You have no choice.
P.P.S. How women's empowerment retreat have I been lately? Must be my periodata is syncing up with Gloria Steinem pre-menopause.
P.P.P.S. I get that our bodies are not just here to be admired by people, like my Oompa Loompas have practical applications like breastfeeding & whatnot, so don't give me that shit. Part of it IS attracting a mate so we can procreate, tho. Nature's practical applications. All I'm sayin'. End trans.
1 comment:
Haha, all true! Especially the part about everyone and their mom thinking, hey, your boobs are out there, I'm just going to stare. And make faces. And personal comments, 'cause I totally don't know you, so it's totally ok.
Also, I love when people bring it up and then you try to make a joke about it, and then they're like, you're just trying to show off/talk about yourself/be the center of attention/etc. That's right, you passive agressive beotch who brought it up in the first place. I just love talking about my boobs, which, to be honest, don't seem huge to me. I've always had them. They are there. When I see pictures, I realize how scary they are. But other than that.... they're just there!
Honestly, I don't even care that more than half the men I talk to don't speak to my face. Chicks are just as bad. Mostly, I find it amusing. But I sure am sick of the haters who think they need to let you know how they feel about a part of your body that you were born with. F*ck off. Just wanted to put in my two cents;)
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