Dream A Little Dream

I had a the craziest dream with all my biggest fears mashed together about a month ago and I TOTALLY forgot to tell you.  At the time of this nightmare, I was really self-conscious about my job and felt like my boss was avoiding me like a girl he hopes will break up with him if he ignores her enough.  I was also in the process of my house being built.  I am also always on the verge of my next twenty-something meltdown so life fears come in to play as well as fears relating to the close relationship I have with my mom and sister and the HUGE guilt complex that weighs heavy on my life.  Now that you are cringing at what a mess I am:

It starts with my husby and I walking through an art museum with one of his friends from college who is now a successful film critic and playwright in LA.  Well she brought her boyfriend who didn't have much of a face in this dream BUT as we were walking around and my husby was dressed like a douchebag with a backwards cap and a polo (which is NOT his style) he kept ripping on me with his friend for how lame I supposedly am.  Then he said that because of said lameness, he wanted a divorce.  Like, a for reals divorce.  Not the one we joke about all the time in real life.  But a real one.  And he was so casual about it.  In fact, I'm pretty sure he was texting while he told me this.  So then his friend tells me that she never respected me b/c I am with someone that treats me like that and I allow it to happen.  Unfair! (She is not like this in real life, FYI, so cool your jets.)

I awoke momentarily to make sure my husband had not left me and when I dozed off again, I was on a trip with everyone I knew.  Like, EVERYONE: close friends from Michigan and Oklahoma, most of my coworkers at my current job, as well as people from my study abroad group.  Our trip was a quick drive to Turkey in my blue Fit.  All of us.  You know what a Fit is, right?

EXACTLY MY POINT.  And yes, we drove.  There were no dream cruise lines or frozen oceans.  We drove.  And Turkey kind of looked more like a summer camp in Northern Michigan until we got to the marketplace later on.  Hold up, we'll get to that.

So at some point, my old boss, the one before the one ignoring me like a lame girlfriend in real life, but from the same company, comes to tell me that my Fit isn't working b/c my friend had either slashed the tires or ruined the engine somehow and we all needed to leave the next day and if I didn't figure something out, I would be letting down the whole company and could lose my job.  So I am repeatedly telling all my friends now, "Please don't book a flight, I'll figure it out," even though in my head I'm thinking, "I really don't want to fit all of you bastards into my Fit again so it would really be more convenient if you did."

First thing's first, I go to the house that my friend is staying in and I confront him.  "Why the hell did you fuck up my car?  I have to figure something out now!"  To which he goes berserk on me about going off his medication b/c he's sick of it and then proceeds to grab a drawer and run out on the lawn, screaming nonsense and dumping toys and trash on the ground.  Also, nothing like said friend.

So then I run off to talk to my sister and she says my mom is really mad and disappointed in me and refuses to talk to me.  So now my anxiety is up even more and I make my sister take me to the Turkish marketplace so I can see for myself.  Now the scene has changed to old school, ultra sandy and windy desert marketplace with people bartering left and right, speaking Turkish and my mom is now running one of these stands and refuses to even look at me.  My sister is all, "See?  I told you.  Leave us alone."

So then I run back to this weird Northern Michigan summer camp of houses that everyone I know is staying in and I am running around in this house that is supposedly the one that I built and the flooring has been put in.  I work in flooring in real life so this aspect of my new build house was uber important to me.  So when I go inside, it's mostly this weird velvet carpet that is all these dark maroons and greens and blacks and grays that is supposed to look like a stone walkway.  Some of it is even installed up the wall and in the kitchen but then there is a weird patch of laminate by the sink for water that will get on the floor.  So I am flipping out.  Everyone is thinking I am crazy and wondering why I'm so upset.  There is some laminate too but that is only in the tiny living room when you first walk into my tri-level house.  FYI my house isn't tri-level.  Nonsense.

I go outside and I run into one of my friends from my study abroad who used to be pretty quiet, but blossomed on our study abroad.  Well she starts telling me how she and one of my good friends who was also on our study abroad were going to stay in Turkey for awhile and why don't I join them?  I'm like, dude, I got all these people to get back home tomorrow and my husband.  Which then makes her go into judgmental mode that's all about me ruining my life by getting married and now I can't decide to stay in Turkey on a whim and that's why she and my friend are great friends and I am a loner.  We have this chat as we walk through the Turkish marketplace as I secretly look for my mom who apparently has closed up her shop for the day.

At this point I woke up.  My anxiety was skyrocketing, but my husband is still with me, my house turned out great and my family is NOT mad and giving me the silent treatment.  O, and no one ruined my car or drove it to Turkey.

Now my friends may judge me for being married at a young age and sometimes I even judge myself b/c it goes against what I had always believed in, BUT if marriage means the end of your life and your freedom and your fun, then you are probably right b/c it sounds like you have already decided you are going to let your life die if/when you get married.  But your life is always happening and you can have wonderful times of growth and happiness at any age and any marital status as long as you are confident in your choices, find the beauty in their outcomes and always find a way to work your current situation to your advantage.  And as long as you don't date or marry an unsupportive dickhole, which fortunately is NOT my case.  So step off, Judge Judy.  HA!  Bet you didn't think you'd get a life lesson outta that one.


velvet floors and transcontinental Fit trips,


bunny