Apparently we have begun the descent into the most wonderful time of the year. Wow. That sounds hateful. Let's try that again. We are in the midst of the most wonderful time of the year! You need to be excited, so get there and fast. Because guess what? You are going to be within 10 feet of your parental unit(s) in less than two weeks so you better start washing your clothes and practicing quieter sex noises. Never fear, though, I have some little snacks to keep you sane through this season if you aren't finding yourself as jolly as you had hoped you would be by now.
SAY NO EVIL
Happy Holidays. Until last year, I didn't realize we were assaulting Christmas and Christians. I have always said Happy Holidays, even when I was a Christian, because guess what? I am including New Year's and sometimes if I am starting early enough, Thanksgiving. Since I became Buddhist, I also realized how rude it really is to assume that everyone around you shares your beliefs, to assume that the person next to you does not celebrate Hanukkah or Kwanzaa or Winter Solstice, which are all equally important to the people that celebrate them and right around the same time as Christmas. Which, by the way, I know we have all heard by now that Christmas happens when it does because Pagans were targeted for conversion. What better way to do that than roll their holiday into yours? This HISTORICAL FACT does not take away from Christmas, but you need to chill out. Please, stop thinking you are being assaulted. The Happy Holidayers are just trying to be all-inclusive. Just start coexisting like your bumper sticker suggests. And Happy Holidays.
SEE NO EVIL
The Sitter came out on Friday, 12/9 starring Jonah Hill. It looks like a modernized Adventures in Babysitting (one of my all-time favorites), without the Thor references or the lovely Shue. Even so, it looks like a pretty good revamp if you are a fan of Jonah Hill, so let's all go see it and report back. Note: this one looks pretty raunchy, hence the R rating, so I would not recommend you go to this movie if Superbad or anything like it is not your cup of tea. For example, the trailer opens with Jonah Hill going down on a girl.
In other news, finally saw The Muppets and it was even better than I imagined it. Have to see it one more time in the theater before I buy five copies and watch them simultaneously.
For you TV/Travel Channel/Bourdain lovers, his new series, The Layover, is a great treat. He has X amount of hours in a city and hits the highlights. So far I have seen New York City, Rome & Miami and I am hooked. There are snippets of firsthand knowledge from people on the street that help you get a feel for the city's culture as a whole. If you have ever had to rush through a place, this is a show you can relate to and glean some mega tips from.
FUDGE NO EVIL
My latest obsession is Carnation's $5 Famous Fudge kits. Yes. I said $5. And fudge kits. I picked one up at a local IGA and made it for an ornament party this past weekend. It was not only incredibly easy to make since the box has the pan, marshmallows, "sugar mix", chocolate chips & evaporated milk(you just supply the butter), but it was some of the best fudge I have ever had. It wasn't the kind that is so sweet your teeth are screaming. I love sugar, but not an obscene amount. While you can either give these kits to yourself or as gifts, I think the most appropriate way to give this kit is as a hostess gift. So here's my idea: buy two kits, make one, give the other as your gift so that way the hostess can try how great it is and then will have it on hand for the next holiday party she has to go to and is too exhausted to be too elaborate after hostessing a party already. S'wonderful, s'marvelous.
HEAR NO EVIL
Since we are in the middle of December, you should probably listen to my new favorite Christmas album, A Very She & Him Christmas. It's cute, it's fun, Zooey sings a lot of Beach Boys Christmas tunes along with some of the classics. Love that they flip the lyrics for "Baby, It's Cold Outside".
You don't WANT to hear Christmas music, you say? Well, fine then. If that is the case, listen to the Velvet Underground. They have great tongue-in-cheek lyrics with that fabulous, nitty gritty rock n roll sound. Perfect for cold weather and cloud coverage.
Want something new? You are really demanding, you know that? Listen to Aloe Blacc's Good Things. You may recognize his song "I Need A Dollar" from the opening to How to Make it in America (one of my favorite HBO shows) but my love for that song lead me to his 2010 album. I love it. He is the modern day Bill Withers. Enjoy!
RANT NO EVIL
At this point, you may be saying to yourself, "This bitch is still too cheerful. I want to think, MAN. I want to feel something real, MAN." Fine. Fuck off. Do you like comedy and comedians? Listen to Marc Maron's podcast, WTF. It's the perfect cure for the seeking comedic mind who wants to get into the heads of their favorite people. Some of my close male friends got me hooked last year. I think what I love about Maron the most is that he is so honestly desperate to understand how these people tick and what their secret is. He asks the questions I would ask as a post-grad film major who wants to make people laugh and be successful but feels like they are on the outside looking in and has no idea where the goddamn doorknob to this glamorous bubble is in the first place. Too revealing? Perhaps. But you will not regret either going online and listening or getting the app for your iPhone and donating some money to the cause. The best part: Maron's seeking mind has now made him relevant. I think the secret is, figure out who & what you are & run with it aka be yourself. Great episodes include: Patton Oswalt, Paul Reiser, Conan O'Brien, Ed Helms, Norm MacDonald and Anthony Bourdain. But all will be wonderful. I promise:
www.wtfpod.com
TREE NO EVIL
As a Michigan girl, I grew up with parents big on the real deal Christmas trees. I grew up with plenty of people that faked it, but we didn't fuck around in my house. Moving to Oklahoma, pine trees are not really prevalent so fake is usually the way, but if you are in the OKC/Norman area, look no further! There is a family from Cadillac, Michigan that parks in that parking lot next to Panera on the corner of 24th and Main. You can get wreaths, tree stands & of course trees of all shapes & sizes and in impeccable condition. They are great people that come down after Thanksgiving and leave just before Christmas with prices no different than up North where your tree only moves 10 feet from where it grew. You know what they say, "Once you buy real...."
RECEIVE NO EVIL
My personal email has basically become newsletter central. I am on just about every store, fashion & random info newsletter you can imagine in cities I have never been to nor live in and I love it. I am in the know, even if it takes me an hour everyday just to get caught up on it all. One of my current favorite newsletters I get is from Emerald Street, a site in London, that sends great tips, interviews, lists, etc. that are entertaining, short & sweet. This month they are partnering with the organization, Look Good... Feel Better, which gives makeovers to cancer patients so they can see themselves as the confident, beautiful women they are, cancer be damned. If you sign up for their newsletter in December, they donate $1 to the cause. So start receiving mail that is worth your while and help a sister out in the meantime: www.emeraldstreet.com
WEAR NO EVIL
Last but not least, let's talk about some trends that I am digging right now.
1) Peter Pan collar: It's been making its rounds lately, but I think cold weather is especially conducive in making the Pan collar work. It's cute, it's preppy, it's great casual or at work. Just do it already.
2) Fur cuffs, mufflers & headbands: Fur is always around this time of year, but I love that we are making our way back to the cuffs and mufflers of yesteryear. I will be opting for the faux fur, which is not only nice for all the little animals that just want to sleep right now (just not in the eternal sense), but it's cost effective. I am actually going to make myself some cuffs, because if there is a sewing project anyone with a needle and thread, let alone a full-on sewing machine can make, it's a faux fur cuff. Sassy.
3) Tights: These really came back in full swing the last couple years and I am obsessed. I have just about every color along with some patterned ones and I don't see myself quitting them any time soon. Not only can you comfortably wear a skirt, you snazz up your outfit tenfold. For the solid color tights, Target's $5 are unbeatable. I cut little slits in the top of the band (especially after nacho dinners), but they are pretty hardy and you will be talk of the town. Colors I am loving right now: mustard, tobacco, evergreen & red.
4) Pussybow blouses: In high school I got to play Mrs. Pearce and one of my outfits included a badass pink pussybow blouse from the 80s and a brown pencil skirt. I love the 80s, I love the 30s & 40s, I love eras that rocked the pussybow. It's formal, it's pretty, it's classic. I am dying to own this emerald green one from River Island and this blood orange one on Piperlime. Ruffles are over, start buying pussy.
5) Slipper loafers: I love me some moccasins, but only if they are by Minnetonka. They own the market of well-made, beautiful moccasins. But slipper loafers are back and they are making me happy. I want the River Island leopard along with these Aldo fuchsia glitter ones. Comfort. Glamour. Amen.
6) Driving gloves: I still rue the day I missed my chance to buy fuchsia driving gloves from Nixon. They were cheap & leather & gorgeous & I don't want to get into right now. But driving gloves are out and about this season and I wouldn't mind one bit if someone wanted to get me these brown ones from Madewell.
**Cue Babs & "Grown-Up Christmas List"**
DRINK NO EVIL
It wouldn't be Christmas without eggnog (unless you are gross and don't like eggnog), so take your pick. There's lots on the market from the traditional, to the alcoholic to the soy versions. Now if you are wanting to jazz it up, I totally support that as a Polish/Scottish/Irish descended daughter of an alcoholic. Want some rum with that nog? Sailor Jerry's will do you right. It's potent, sweet, reasonably priced and will get the job done. Lactose intolerant? Silk makes some great nog as well as a mint chocolate drink. Want to make your own adult version of the mint chocolate? Get chocolate milk or Silk and some Rumplemintz BOOM you got yourself a stew. Sound like too much work? Pennsylvania Dutch eggnog is wonderful. Want the full enchilada with all the cream and eggs you can stand? In Michigan, Quality Dairy is your homeboy. In Oklahoma, Braum's will be your nog of choice. Where do you nog?
Hopefully I have pointed you in the direction of some things to make the next couple weeks a little deeper than an ABC Family Christmas movie. Don't forget your poinsettias (which are NOT poisonous for animals, they discovered!), your tree, and most of all, the realization that holidays are for having fun and enjoying the company of your loved ones. They're all batshit, but they're all you have got at the end of the day and someday, I know you don't believe me, but you will miss them, warts and all. So suck it up and chug your Sailor Nog in your Christmas sweater and tell your grandma for the twentieth time your name, school you dropped out of and why you are not married &/or do not have kids.
Happy Holidays!
bunny
